Dharius Daniels - Silent Struggles Produce Real Scars

Every generation of men has to be something different than what they’ve seen. Even if they observed a man excel in his generation, what I must be to my children in this generation is not what my father had to be to me. The world I am preparing them to live in is different from the world he was preparing me for. So, even when you have an example in the home, you still don’t have a blueprint that always works for every generation. Because of that, there will be a degree of healthy insecurity, at least for a man who is humbly trying to get it right. Every man in each generation, to some extent, isn’t merely following a pattern; he’s having to create a blueprint. I think it’s important to keep that in mind—pray into that and give grace for that. Every man in every generation, whether as a husband or a father, is trying to figure out how to navigate this age and era.

Number two, really simply, we have trauma too. I don’t hear any amens in this Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, or Pentecostal church. No, we have trauma too. One thing I noticed in the Bible is that while it discusses what happens to people, particularly men, it doesn’t delve deeply into how it impacts them. When you examine what certain people went through in the Bible—let’s consider Joseph, for instance. He was betrayed by his brothers, who even plotted to kill him, and he was falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife. We could also look at Job, who literally lost everything. If you’ve ever built something, think about this: you spend your whole life creating something, and then it’s gone in a day. Just sit with that for a moment. You spent a lifetime building, and suddenly everything you amassed is gone. That was Job’s reality. Then his children died, and the wife who declared, «For better or worse,» developed caregiver fatigue. She looked at him and, paraphrasing, said it would be easier for her if he weren’t around anymore. Somebody say trauma! We have trauma too, brethren. What say you to these things?

There’s a reality, right? Because of how strong we can appear to be and the weight of our responsibilities, the assumption can be made that we don’t have issues or circumstances we may currently be dealing with or avoiding from the past. The truth is I could be silently struggling, and while it produces a very real scar, I’m often going to live from that scar. I might live from a place of trying to hide it from you or avoiding the hurt I’ve experienced before. Just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t have it, and just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean I’m not grappling with it. The question that arises is whether there are enough safe spaces with the people who claim to care about us the most for us to at least discuss our scars without being judged for the injury. Clap your hands.