Dharius Daniels - We're Not That Close

Genesis chapter 13, verse 8 says this: So Abram said to Lot, «Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I will go to the right; if you go to the right, then I will go to the left.» I’m going to read it again because I don’t think you got that. Abram said to Lot, «Let’s not have any quarrel between you and me, between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives.» You got it? Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. You go to the left, and then I will go to the right. If you go to the right, I will go to the left. I want to pause for the cause and talk from this subject during our time together: We Are Not That Close. Somebody give God praise if He’s already preaching. If the Holy Spirit is moving, yes! We are not that close. As many of you are well aware, I am an avid sports fan. As a matter of fact, I believe that my 49ers are going to win today. I’m an avid sports fan, and one of the realities I’ve recognized about team sports is this: the success of the team is not just contingent upon—listen to this—who they have on the court or on the field, but the success of the team is contingent upon whether or not those people on the court or on the field are in the right positions. It’s not just about people; it’s about placement. I say this with a degree of confidence because, although I have not played all sports, I spent a significant part of my life playing one sport: basketball. I played organized basketball from ages 10 to 21, throughout college, and at every level, we always had someone whose assessment of what role they should have was inconsistent with that of the coach. There was always somebody on the team who felt like they should be playing more, sometimes as parents would say, «Put my baby in the game,» or someone who felt like they should be playing a different position. But it is the goal and the responsibility of the coach, who is responsible for stewarding the success of the team, not just to put people where they want to be—can I hear an Amen? —but to put people where they need to be. Because just because they desire it doesn’t mean they’ve developed enough to occupy it, because some things they wish for are things they are not built for. And as it is in the game of sports, so it is in the game of life. Our peace, our productivity, and our progress are not just tied and tethered—watch this—to who is in our life, but to what position they play. Sometimes it’s not that we have the wrong people on the team; sometimes it’s that we have them in the wrong positions. The art of knowing how to organize the relational orbit of your life—that skill—is something we’re calling relational intelligence. It’s the ability to define and align your relationships. It’s based on, it’s anchored in the axiom that everybody should be loved, biblically valued equally, but treated differently. Just because everyone is—watch this—equally valuable, doesn’t mean they add equal value to you. And it’s our responsibility to make sure that the people that mean the most to us do not get the least of us. It’s our responsibility to ensure we’re not misaligning our expectations and expecting something out of people that is not in them. You cannot pull out what God did not put in. I wish somebody would talk back to the preacher today! Relational intelligence. And so what we’ve been attempting to do as we turn the corner in this series is to identify the places and the spaces that people should occupy. Last week we talked about the importance and the significance of occupying, watch this, the friend position. We have to get that position filled right! Today, I need to talk to you about the second position, and that is the associate position. Unfortunately, many people do not draw a line of distinction and demarcation between an associate and a friend, and it is dangerous. It can be damaging and detrimental to get this part wrong, ladies and gentlemen. Pastor, what is an associate? An associate is what I call a tweener relationship. Tweener! Yes! In basketball, we had tweeners—people who, watch this, may have been a little too tall to play one position, but a little too short to play another. Got me? Tweener relationships! It’s not evil; it’s just unique. So here it is: an associate, Pastor—here it is for my note-takers—an associate is a person that’s not evil enough to be an enemy—oh, somebody help me! —but not safe enough to be a friend. I’m going to say it one more time for my note-takers! Did you hear me? An associate is someone that’s not evil enough to be an enemy, but they are not safe enough to be a friend. Now, when I say «safe enough,» it doesn’t mean—watch this—that the fruit for friendship is not there or developed; it may just mean you haven’t had the time or you don’t have the desire. This side has given me an Amen! This was not—I said you may not have had the time or the desire to do the kind of inspection that would determine whether or not you want to take the relationship beyond the surface level. So here’s another way to distinguish an associate from a friend.