Keion Henderson - The Silent Treatment

I want to talk about this subject for a few moments. I want to call it silent treatment, and the Lord shared this with me. It is vital that we grasp this lesson in our lives. Lord, right now, in the name of Jesus, I pray that you will speak to our hearts, that you will speak to our minds, and that you will illuminate our thoughts so that we can see, hear, feel, and sense what the Spirit is saying to the church. Speak as only you can, in the name of Jesus we pray. Hallelujah!

Now, let’s talk a little bit, family, because I received a report not too long ago indicating that domestic violence and other types of violence occurring in the home, whether between couples or parents and children, are on the rise. This increase is due to the fact that we are all restricted to these silos—these homes, these places of dwelling—without outlets. You can’t go out eight hours a day like you would for a job, come home, and be able to deal with things. I am hearing these reports, and I pray that you were able to see our night of prayer that took place on the seventh, where my brother Pastor Brooks prayed about domestic violence. I really thought about this because when I read the report, it stated that one of the biggest contributors to these moments is that when people have argued and said everything they know to say, the only thing left is the silent treatment. You cannot underestimate the devastating effects of not expressing yourself to someone. Silent treatment has often been defined by those who engage in it as emotional manipulation.

Very quickly, I want you to know that Jesus actually teaches that being silent in some situations is wise. You have to be slow to speak; that’s the second part. But at the beginning, he says you must be swift to hear. I want you to think about this; this is a Bible study lesson. I want to discuss this with you, and we can study it together. Perhaps you can pose some questions as you watch this, and I’ll have our team gather some of them. Maybe I can come back at a later date and answer some of these questions for you.

One of the biggest lessons in life is knowing when to be quiet and when to speak up. Understanding when to voice your thoughts and when to remain silent is one of the hardest lessons you’ll ever learn. Sometimes, you feel validated by your feelings, and when you’re validated, you can shut down. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, and before you know it, you may have said something that you later regret. I want to help us navigate this because I don’t want you to feel bad about it. Even in scripture, men and women you respect also struggled with knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet.

Almost everyone I know has found themselves in moments of conflict, wondering whether they should express what’s on their mind. Should I voice my thoughts, or should I just swallow my pride? If I swallow my pride, what does that do to my reputation? What does it do to my self-perception? Is this the time to speak up, or is this the time to be quiet? Let me ask you a question—if you’re at home right now, how many of you are dealing with this? If you could just raise your hand or comment, «I’m struggling, Pastor, ” it would help us all understand how to control what we feel is right to say and when the right time to speak or be quiet is.

I heard one relationship expert say that when people are arguing in relationships, you have to decide whether you want to be peaceful or whether you want to be right. You have to decide which one of those you want to be. Are you with me so far? Even the greatest prophets in scripture struggled with knowing when to talk or if they should talk. You would think that the prophets of the Bible would grasp this because they were called by God and given messages; yet, have you noticed that some of the greatest prophets in scripture, when it was their time to speak, didn’t even know whether they should be the ones speaking or what they should do?

Let’s call the roll as the old church would say, because they would always almost say, „Lord, pick somebody else. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to go through this. Can’t you choose somebody else? Is there not someone more qualified than me?“ These are the greatest prophets. Watch this: when God called Jonah, what did Jonah do? When God said, „I want you to preach; I want you to go to Nineveh and say what the Lord has told you to say,” what did he do?