Dharius Daniels - What Are You looking For?

Let’s say that one time, the quality of my life is greatly determined by who’s in it, and secondly, by how I manage those who are part of it. In other words, the people allowed to occupy space in my life can contribute to my experiencing an abundant life, or they can contribute to my life being an agitating one. This is because the course and quality of our life are significantly impacted by those who are part of it. When I look at the litany of scriptures contained in biblical texts regarding relationships, I see a picture being painted of the possibility that we should all passionately pursue. I see in Scripture, specifically in the Song of Solomon, that kingdom relationships have the potential to be fruitful; they have the potential to flourish, and they have the potential to be fulfilling. Everybody say «fruitful,» meaning that something is produced as a result of our union that would not exist if we hadn’t come together. I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together. I’m a movement by myself, but baby, you make me better. I love it! One of the mothers of my church says, «Yes, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead!» Someone say «fruitful!» Our connection gives us more than company; it allows and enables us to be productive in ways that we would not be if we hadn’t come together. It’s when an individual is an asset in your life and not just a liability. I see that in Scripture; I see it as a possibility and as God’s intent for our relationships. In the Song of Solomon, I see not only fruitfulness but also flourishing. I see people with each other who genuinely want to be together; I see people who feel like they are operating at a deficit when they are apart. I see people who are sad when someone leaves but excited when they return—not sad when they leave and excited when someone comes back. Flourishing means there is vitality, veracity, and an unexplainable, incommunicable «it» factor. You just feel it. We’re just flowing; we’re just you and me, and I’m into you, and I know you more and love you less. It’s flourishing!

But then you also see fulfilling relationships. There are deficits that are no longer deficits because you occupy space in my life. This means that this person becomes the one God chooses to use to address issues in my life that were not attended to before you arrived. It’s fulfillment—being fulfilled. I’m fulfilled, so I’m not thirsty because I don’t want to be in a relationship while still being thirsty. I’m full, and I’m filled. I’m full of affirmation, full of affection, and filled with love. We shouldn’t be in relationships and still operate with deficits. It’s fulfillment that comes through a person. Someone may say, «Well, Pastor, God fulfills my every need.» Absolutely, He does! However, there are some needs He fulfills directly, and others He fulfills indirectly. Isn’t that what happened in the Garden of Eden? God looks at Adam, who has the company of animals and the presence of God, and still says, «It is not good for man to be alone, ” because if all you have around you is God and animals, you’re lonely! I’m not talking about animals literally—come on, talk to me, somebody! God says that even though He’s present, there’s something Adam needs that will come in the form of a person. It’s going to be fulfilled. I see that picture, and this is what I see in Scripture regarding the possibility of relationships. I see it becoming a space, according to Genesis, where you are uninhibited. What does that mean? It means that you don’t feel like a politician in your own relationships, having to measure every word or spin every conversation, or tell half-truths because you can’t tell the whole truth while walking on eggshells. No! It should be a place where you’re uninhibited, where you are unashamed. This is the one space in the world, the one person with whom I know I can experience the manifestation of God’s unconditional love. This is the person who loves me flaws and all, and it should be the place where I can be undeniably authentic. This is the one person who accepts me for who I am. It’s not a job, because the job is simply the exchanging of gifts. If I did not bring my gift, there would be no relationship; it’s transactional—it’s not covenant. Come on! Even in this relationship, you love me, but it’s transactional. You love me, but it’s transactional. You are here because of a transaction. I use my gift to serve the body, yes, but the person you share your life with should be covenant, not transactional. It’s the one place where you’re able to be your authentic self. This is who I am, and this is the one place where I don’t have to be anyone other than who God made me to be. That is the picture of possibility; it is scriptural. However, it is not very often seen.