I want to talk to you today about Breaking Control. It's easy to go through life doing things out of guilt and pressure. People use control and manipulation to get their way. If we're not careful we'll take home this false sense of responsibility, thinking that it's our job to keep them fixed, we have to keep them happy, keep them encouraged, keep them entertained.
But here's the key: you are not responsible for other people's happiness, you are responsible for your own happiness. Without healthy boundaries we won't have healthy relationships. "Well, Joel, what if they get their feelings hurt"? What if you miss your destiny? "What if they get upset and don't speak to me anymore"? God just answered your prayer, say "Thank you Jesus". Seriously, life is too short to go through it being controlled, doing things out of guilt thinking.
If you're being controlled, it's not the other person's fault, it's your fault. You have to put your foot down and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to jump every time you call. Not going to be able to meet all of your demands".
But some people don't want to get help, they like the attention that it brings them. They'll use it to manipulate and make you feel guilty where they can control you. Don't take that bait. Be respectful, but you're not responsible for their happiness.
You have to come to that point where you say, "Enough is enough. I am breaking free from this bondage, from these lies, from this dysfunction". You are not supposed to be a doormat for people to walk all over, control you, demean you, make you feel like you're not good enough. God didn't create you to be in a toxic relationship, berated, look down on, abused, manipulated. That's why God has you hearing this today, it's a day of freedom, a day of breakthrough, a day where those controlling, manipulating spirits are being broken. That door is open, but you have to walk out of it.
The enemy will use control, manipulation, guilt, shame, try to keep you from your purpose. It's time to break free. You have to put your foot down and say, "I love you, but I'm not going to let you control me. I love you, but I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness to try to keep you happy. Not going to come rescue you every time. Not going to be available for every call. Not going to feel guilty because I can't meet all of your demands". That's not being selfish, that's being responsible with the gift God has given you. He didn't create you to be controlled.
Yes, help others. Of course, be good to people, but don't let them control you. If they want to accept you unless you perform up to their standards, meet all their expectations, no big deal, move on and God will give you some real friends. That's not a friend, that's a manipulator. You don't need them for your destiny. The sooner you move forward, the better you'll be. Don't waste time trying to play up to people, win them over. "If you do good enough, they'll let you in their group, they'll approve you". No, if they don't recognize the gift that you are, you need to go somewhere else.
If you're being controlled and manipulated, that's taking your valuable time and energy. You need to do like this daughter: recognize what's happening, make a change, break that controlling spirit. Don't go the next 20 years letting that take your joy, keep you from the amazing future that God has for you.
Be aware of high maintenance people. High maintenance people are almost always controllers, always having an emergency, they blow everything out of proportion, create all this drama. If you don't have a boundary up, they'll pull you into that drama.
There are controlling spirits that want to keep you from your purpose, to where you waste your valuable time on things that are not a part of your destiny. Trying to keep someone happy, letting guilt and manipulation, keep you where you're not supposed to be. Why don't you break free? Those things that you don't feel good about, ask yourself why are you doing it? Is it guilt? "What are they going to think? They expect me to do it. I hope to win their favor". Those are all signs of control and manipulation.
Now, do your part and put some boundaries up. Quit act rescuing to everyone's demands, thinking you may hurt their feelings. Remember, if someone is controlling you, it's not their fault, it's yours. You have to take action. If you'll do this, I believe and declare: that spirit of control and manipulation is being broken right now. You're going to have a new grace, a new boldness, so step up to who you were created to be. Greater favor is coming, new relationships, new opportunities, the fullness of your destiny, in Jesus name.