Matt Chandler - Husbands and Wives

If you have your Bibles, go ahead and grab them; that will be our passage, and we’re just going to walk through it. Um, I said last week, and I think I will keep doing it every week. Um, if you’ve been to a wedding—and I’m assuming you have—there are all sorts of elements that can be present. One of the more consistent elements in Christian marriage is the lighting of the unity candle. The way that works is usually it begins with the husband’s mom and dad as they walk down the aisle, and they light this candle. This represents their baby boy and also symbolizes a way of loading the dishwasher and an understanding of how household tasks are divided up. It also represents ideas on how children should be raised; it likely carries with it how many kids are in view. Then the parents sit down, and the bride’s mom and dad come up to light their candle. This represents their baby girl, and they have probably been praying for this little guy right here. In fact, the dad likely swore for the first eight years that he would kill this kid. Now something has changed, and this also represents how to load the dishwasher, how the household tasks are divided, and who will be responsible for what. It represents their views on how children should be raised; both will have the same, maybe similar, or wildly different expectations.

Then there is a moment in the ceremony where the pastor, minister, licensed friend, or whoever is officiating will come to the passage we were in last week from Genesis 1 and 2, where the Bible shows us what I called last week—not just the first marriage, but really the first royal coronation. You’ll get to the line that Paul quotes in Ephesians: «the two will become one flesh.» Then either their favorite song will play, or their friend with the best voice will sing. They will come up, and you know the maid of honor has to make sure the bride is safe since she is dressed in the most flammable materials on Earth. They’ll both pick up their candles and light the middle one. What’s happening here is they are saying, «Hey, I’m bringing all of this to bear on this new thing, ” and he’s saying, „I’m bringing all of this to bear on this new thing.“ I’ve been to weddings where they blow out the other two candles, so this is all that’s left. I just think that’s wrong. You know who I was two hours after our wedding was over? Me—like all that I was bringing into this was very much still there. Let me tell you who Lauren was two hours after our ceremony. What we had covenanted to was to work on this together and try to bring these two things together into this one thing. The Apostle Paul says this mystery is profound.

So last week, to kick off the series, I wanted to define what marriage is. We said there are two ways of thinking about it. The more modern version is that Lauren exists for my happiness and that I exist for her happiness. I wanted to point out that’s kind of parasitic—except you’ve got two ticks and no dog. If you come into it expecting Lauren to fulfill my every need and whim while she expects me to fulfill her every need and whim, there’s not even a dog—just two parasites living in the house. Of course, we’re going to lose heart; of course, conflict’s going to escalate. One of us has no capacity to do that, and neither do I. Honestly, all those things I think I want her to do, she can’t satisfy me anyway because I was built and designed for someone greater than Lauren.

We talked about the fact that marriage is two things, biblically, and I might even argue traditionally and historically; this is a little new movement we’re in right now that’s made a train wreck all over the place. Marriage is, first and foremost, a partnership. One of the great scandals of creation is that the Creator God of the universe has decided to get His truth, beauty, and goodness into the world through His people. That’s scandalous! I don’t know how many Christians you know, but it just seems like a bad idea. But this is His plan: I’m going to push back darkness and establish order through these vessels, through these human beings made in My image.

So marriage, as we saw last week, begins as a partnership. God has given me a partner by which I am to fill the Earth with truth, beauty, and goodness. If you’re thinking partnership doesn’t sound very sexy, well, the passage ends with „they were naked and unashamed.“ Not to emphasize the nudity, but to emphasize the vulnerability and intimate connectivity between the husband and wife. It’s a partnership, and when we see it that way, we have a shot. Now, I said, and I’m going to say it again this week, what’s more important—and especially as…