David Diga Hernandez - 3 Keys to Finding the Godly Spouse for You

Let’s go to Genesis chapter two, verse 18, where the Bible says, then the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. Genesis 2:24. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one. Now, before I give you these three keys, I think it’s important to note that we must be rid of this religious mindset that says that it’s an ungodly thing to desire a spouse or that it’s wrong or selfish to want to be married. No, marriage is a beautiful gift from God, and you should have no shame or embarrassment if you’re praying for a spouse. So let’s be rid of that religious mindset that kind of looks down upon people who are looking for a spouse as if it’s some ungodly thing or as if their motives are completely wrong. And let’s just get into what the scripture says.

Number one. These are three keys to finding a godly spouse. Number one, find your calling before you find your spouse. Amos chapter three, verse three says, can two walk together except they be agreed? I’ve seen many ministries destroyed before they even began. I’ve seen many people derailed from their calling before they really even got started. Why? Because they picked the wrong spouse. Now, I’m not trying to scare you, but I do want to prepare you. It’s important that you pick the correct spouse because if you pick the wrong person, it will affect your calling. It will affect your future ministry. It will affect your divine destiny. Many times I’ve seen people destroyed or I’ve seen their ministry greatly limited because they married someone who wasn’t in agreement with what they wanted to do for God. They weren’t willing to make sacrifices. They weren’t willing to go all in. They weren’t willing to support because they weren’t in alignment in this area. So this is why it’s important that you first find your calling. Some people are in such a rush to get married that they go looking for a spouse before they know what God wants them to do. It’s important that you discover the call of God for your life, or at least the general direction that God wants you to go. Because once you’ve become established in your calling, then you can begin to look for a spouse that’s going to compliment that calling instead of contradict it. You see, if you marry someone who doesn’t compliment your calling then you’re forced to make difficult choices. If you marry someone who doesn’t compliment your calling and they contradict it, then you have to choose between a flourishing marriage or a flourishing ministry. But you can’t have both, and they’ll constantly fight you on your calling. They’ll constantly complain. They’ll constantly contradict what God is telling you to do, all because you didn’t find the call before you found the spouse. It’s important, number one, find your calling before you find your spouse.

Number two, use wisdom and prayer. Now, this may seem like it goes without saying, but I think it’s important that we reaffirm this truth. Proverbs chapter three, verses five through six says this. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take. Sometimes we neglect involving the Holy Spirit because we’re so rushed. Sometimes we’re in such a hurry that we fail to consult with the Holy Spirit. We fail to ask the advice of the Holy Spirit, and in ignoring the Holy Spirit’s input, we rush ahead into danger. This is why it’s important that we commit to wisdom and prayer. You see, wisdom can be found in scripture. Now, I know that you’re not gonna find in chapter and verse who you should marry. It’s not like you’re gonna be reading the Bible one day and then you’re gonna see the scripture that says you should marry so-and-so, because that specific answer isn’t necessarily in the Bible. I’ll tell you what is in the Bible. What is in the Bible are descriptions of godly spouses. What is in the Bible are descriptions of godly character, descriptions of Christ-like nature, descriptions of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And these descriptions, these truths become the principles and foundations upon which we build relationships and our understanding. And so as we look through the scripture, we gain wisdom. What is God’s nature? What is true spirituality? What is spiritual maturity? And as we apply those scriptures to our everyday lives, we begin to see things more clearly. So you may not find the name of the one that you’re going to marry in the Bible, but what you will find are guiding principles that give us wisdom for seeking out a spouse, and then apply to that wisdom prayer. Involve the Holy Spirit. Ask him to direct you. We must be honest about what the Holy Spirit is speaking to us because I think sometimes that we pretend we know what the Holy Spirit is saying or we hope that he’s saying something. And in doing so, we actually derail our divine destiny. Sometimes if we want something badly enough, we have the tendency to convince ourselves that God is blessing it when he’s actually warning us against it. You see, when you apply wisdom, you begin to ask questions. You begin to wonder certain things about the person that you’re pursuing. Things like, do they know how to choose happiness? What do I mean by that? Well, that’s a very important one. For example, if you find yourself in a less than ideal situation, how does that person react? How do they react to tragedy? How do they react to inconvenience? How do they react when things don’t go their way? Do they become dramatic? Do they cause chaos? Do they attack you or do they adjust? Do they know how to choose happiness? Do they know how to bring out the better side of you? Or are they constantly bringing things out of you that you regret? Do they cause chaos and emotional turmoil? On again, off again, on again, off again. Confusion and chaos and emotional and mental turmoil that causes actually mental torment. You’re constantly anguished, constantly vexed, like this dark cloud hanging over you. That’s not healthy. And wisdom would say, don’t connect with a person like that. Don’t marry a person like that. And we must lend our ears to wisdom. We must hear what the Holy Spirit is speaking.

So I’ll tell you how I met my Jessica. I was praying for God to send me a wife, someone to marry, and this was a season of my life. Trust me, I was praying, I was fasting. I was pursuing the will of God on this matter. I wanted someone who would compliment the call of God on my life. I knew that God had given me something special and I didn’t want to do anything to displease the Lord. I wanted to make sure that whoever I married would compliment the calling. So I began to pray. I began to look through the scripture for someone who matched the qualities as described in the Bible. And in Jessica, I found what the scripture described as a good wife. In Jessica, I found what the scripture describes as a godly person, someone who loves Jesus. So I’ll tell you how it happened. One day I was invited to attend a birthday dinner for a friend of mine, and I went to pick up a friend who I was gonna take to that birthday dinner. His name was Georgie. And Georgie gets in my car, and I’ll never forget this. Soon as he gets in my passenger seat, I said this. I said, Georgie, today I’m going to meet the one I’m going to marry. And then I’ll say, on January 1st, 2012, I met the one who would become my wife. And he looked at me and I said, I don’t know why I’m saying that. It could be the Lord, but that’s what I believe. And so we drive over to the birthday dinner and I’m talking with my friends. I knew everyone at the table. And sure enough, in walks Jessica. And I took notice of her right away because I overheard a conversation that she was having. She was talking about the scripture, and the way she talked about the scripture was with such passion, such love, such zeal that I was attracted to that. So I’m listening to her talk. I see her, I see that she’s a beautiful woman. I said, I gotta get to know this girl. So I text my friend who was sitting next to her. I said, hey, can you switch seats with me? Because I want to sit by that woman and I want to get to know her. So we switched seats. I began talking to her, and I’m telling you, as I began to talk with Jessica, it was like, they say sparks fly. I really did sense that. There was this burst of euphoria within my soul. And I knew that I knew that I knew, this is my wife. Now, how did that come about? That didn’t come about necessarily just in that moment. Rather, I was able to discern that because I had committed myself to prayer. I committed myself to the wisdom of the word. I committed myself to obedience to God. And because I had the foundational principles in place, I didn’t miss the moment when Jessica came along. So apply wisdom and prayer.

Number three, make sure they’re spiritually aligned. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? Now I’m gonna talk about two ways of being unequally yoked. The first is being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. The second is being unequally yoked with a believer who does not believe as we do. Now, when the scripture describes being unequally yoked, quite simply it’s talking about mindset, a frame of reference, a way of seeing and believing and thinking. And so to be equally yoked with someone is to be with someone who thinks the same, who has the same spiritual standards, who loves the Lord like you love the Lord. And so it’s very obvious from scripture that believers should not marry unbelievers. Now, I know that there are different circumstances. Sometimes you’re married and then you get saved and your spouse doesn’t. And so now that’s a different circumstance. That’s a different message for a different time. But I’m talking to the one who is pursuing a relationship, pursuing marriage with an unbeliever. The Bible clearly teaches that that’s not something you ought to do. You may say, well, I heard the testimony of someone who pursued an individual who wasn’t saved and that person ended up getting saved. Don’t mistake God’s mercy for God’s permission. The word of God, not someone else’s story, should be our standard. And the Bible makes it clear that we are not to pursue relationships in this way with an unbeliever. So biblically speaking, should you be in a relationship with someone who isn’t saved? A romantic relationship or someone as a potential spouse? Absolutely not. You guys, I didn’t say it, the Bible did. That’s what the Bible teaches. So having clearly stated that, let’s address the second point here, which is, should you marry a believer who differs from you on certain biblical doctrines? Well, that depends how primary those doctrines are. You see, if there are some differences in opinion like for example, was there a pre-Adamic race? Okay, that obviously is not a central issue. That’s just different biblical philosophy, a different biblical doctrine on something that doesn’t really necessarily change the way you live. But if you believe in the power of the Holy Spirit, if you believe the gifts are still for today, if you believe in speaking in tongues, then so should your potential spouse. These things are deep, these things are primary, these things are fundamental. And if you differ on these issues, it will cause problems later on down the line. What happens when you have kids and one of you believes that they should be speaking in tongues, or at least be learning about the gift of speaking in tongues and the other one thinks that’s unbiblical? What will you teach your children when it comes to the spiritual gifts? What will you teach your children concerning the Holy Spirit? So it’s important, not necessarily that you agree on every little doctrine, but to be at least equally yoked so that you’re of the same mindset, of the same spirit. In God’s world, in God’s church, in ministry, there is one big river. And in that river there are many streams. Marry someone in your stream. Marry someone who is equally yoked with you, lest you run into some major problems later on down the line. Let’s recap. Number one, find your calling before you find your spouse. Number two, use wisdom and prayer. And number three, make sure they’re spiritually aligned.