Dharius Daniels - A Recipe For Relationships

I want to read one scripture found in Amos chapter 3, verse 3. This is what Amos says: «Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?» I want to talk from this subject today. I want to give you a recipe for relationships—a recipe for relationships. I want to begin our time together, family, by communicating a conviction that I believe needs to be regularly repeated: besides making a decision to follow the leadership of Jesus, who you choose to be romantically involved with is one of the most consequential decisions you will ever make. I’m going to say this again: besides making a decision to live your life following the example and adhering to the instructions of Jesus Christ, the most consequential decision you will make is who you choose to spend the rest of your life with.

I want to reiterate a word that I chose to use to convey my point, and that word is «consequential.» I am not saying that your relational life is the most important thing in your life; I am saying it affects everything that is important. It’s tied together already, and watch this: decisions that are this consequential should not be made casually. However, the spirit of this age—what does that mean? That’s a term that Paul uses in the Bible to describe social trends, the way people typically do things at a given point in human history. The spirit of this age has seemed to cultivate a culture of casualness. Come on, flippancy, nonchalance when it comes to relational decisions, as if who you choose to give your heart to doesn’t affect you.

This not only seems to be the case in how we manage ourselves when it comes to who we pick, but it also seems to be the case—oh, everybody breathe—in how we are managing others after we pick them. Okay, let me rephrase it: there seems to be, watch this now, a disconnect because you’ve got to understand church culture is not the only culture that influences us. There’s a word the Bible uses to describe Christians who have been influenced by culture: the word is carnal. It means that a person is a believer; they have been authentically converted, but the majority of their life and the decisions they make are not influenced by God’s creative intent. They are influenced by whatever is the spirit of the age. It’s Christian-ish; it’s whatever is in vogue, whatever is popular, whatever is gaining steam, yes, whoever the new influencer is on relationships—even if they don’t have one.

It means that that’s what’s influencing their decisions, that’s what’s influencing their financial decisions, that’s what’s influencing their professional decisions, that’s what’s influencing their emotional decisions, that’s what’s influencing their relational decisions. The Bible calls it carnal; it’s not that they’re not a Christian, it’s not that God doesn’t love them, it’s not that they’re not going to heaven; it’s just that they’re carnal. Culture influences us, and we’ve been discipled into casualness when it comes to playing with our hearts.

Some of us are caught up in this culture of casualness and flippancy, thinking we can just do this or that because we can control our hearts. But I’m going to show you in a minute that you can’t. I’m going to show you that God, who gave you your heart, says you can’t control it, and your heart will have you feeling something for somebody you shouldn’t feel for—like you’re in love with someone who is not good for you.

See, come on now, no, no, no, no, no, come on now. So that heart, then, which is your second brain, has you acting illogically. Cognitively, you know that’s not good for you. Cognitively, you know that they’re not changing. Cognitively, you know that you deserve better. But emotionally, you can’t do what you know to be true cognitively because you thought you had control. You were with this one, that one, this one, that one, and then there was that one that got through. The one that got through has such a hold on you.

I know you think you’ve got it under control, but now we have children’s church, right? The kids are across the way because I’m talking like a spiritual father today. So, you’ve got your kids in children’s church, right? We’ve got a great one; we’ve got staff, so you’re okay. There’s always going to be that one, and if they don’t get you emotionally, they’re going to get you physically. See, let me just say it one more time, because I’m not playing games with the devil today, and I’m not going to dance around this subject. I’m going straight there: if they don’t get you emotionally, they will rock your world so much physically that you’ll have a constant mental replay going on inside of you. They have taken you to the third heaven physically.

Now you know they’re not good for you in reality; nothing is good about that. But that was so good that you keep going back, and now you’re ruined because you have comparisons you should never have. You’re wrestling with comparisons God never intended for you to wrestle with, and it complicates your ability now to choose correctly because you’re trying to recapture something that you got in a season where the enemy wanted to embellish and exaggerate how good it was. Because as good as it was, you still left because the other part was that bad. But the devil doesn’t care.