Dharius Daniels - Are Your Friends Real Or Surface-Level?

What’s up? I have a quick question for you, and I want you to be honest. How are you doing? Here’s what I’ve learned: this question is probably the one that receives the most dishonest answers, more than any other question ever asked. When people ask us that question, we genuinely respond, but we respond without thinking. We don’t take the time to pause and reflect and ask ourselves how we’re really doing. People say, «How are you doing?» and respond with «Good,» «Straight,» or «Making it,» without really thinking about it. Sometimes we give generic answers because we realize that the people asking really don’t want an honest answer. But there should be someone in your life who, when they ask that question, truly means it, and you can give them a real answer. That person is a friend. I want to spend a few minutes talking about ensuring you have real friends you can be authentic with. So, stay tuned.

I’m going to ask you this question one more time: How are you doing? And here’s another question: When was the last time someone asked you that question and you felt they really meant it? If you don’t have people in your life asking that question with the intention of receiving an honest answer and showing empathy for your feelings, then I’m telling you, you don’t have a real friend. I believe friends should have certain traits, and we should have a framework for those friendships. I do—I have a framework for friendship. I used to throw the word «friend» around loosely—this is my friend, this is my friend—until I realized the Bible provides a blueprint for friendship, God’s idea of friendship. I decided to align with God’s understanding instead of culture’s, because I don’t want the results culture gets. I’m not hating; I’m just stating facts. If I don’t like where you ended up, it doesn’t make sense for me to take your directions. If I don’t want to end up where you are, I don’t want to know how you got there; I’ll choose a different route.

Now, here’s what I’m getting at regarding the traits and framework of friendship. There’s something that I think a friend should be and do that is super important yet often overlooked. When I think about it, some of the best friends in my life provide me with something essential: unceasing encouragement. I hear you, I feel you, and even though I don’t always need it—being an alpha and driven, type A—I still believe this is critical. Zig Ziglar said it best when someone expressed doubt about the value of encouragement, arguing that once you give it to people, they lose it, and you have to keep giving it over and over again. Zig responded, saying, «A bath only lasts for a day, but you still need to keep taking one; it’s still necessary.»

I want us to wrap our heads around this idea because, in my experience, there is an epidemic of discouragement. Chronic discouragement indicates an absence of biblical friendships—friends who care about where you emotionally are and are committed to helping you get where you need to be. Friends give unceasing encouragement. Think about this: I’m not talking about flattery; that’s not what I mean. «Flattering lips worketh ruin, ” so I’m not discussing flattery as a form of love. That’s people-pleasing; it’s not true love. I’m referring to someone who recognizes your potential and wants the best for you.

Now, let me tell you what this requires, and I hope you can handle this. When I realized this in my own life, it revolutionized many things for me, and I hope it’s about to do the same for you. What I saw was a game-changer, a revelation; it changed everything, and I hope you’re ready because I’m about to share it with you.