Dharius Daniels - Overcoming Overwhelm

So check this out: recently, I received a screenshot from a friend regarding a book he was reading, and in this book, there was a section by some psychologists called «Failure to Thrive.» When I saw the word «Thrive,» it immediately caught my attention because if you are familiar with my life’s philosophy at all, it’s this: there are three different ways to live your life: sinking, surviving, or thriving. I don’t believe that we will be at level three, which is thriving, all the time in every area, but I do believe it’s possible to be at level three most of the time in most areas. Thriving should be the rule, not the exception; it shouldn’t be the anomaly. Sinking and surviving should be the anomaly. That’s my life’s philosophy; every philosophy is informed by one’s theology. Everyone has a philosophy upon which they live their life. I’m not saying you have to have mine; you can have yours. I’m just sharing with you what mine is so that you know why, when I saw this section of the article and this section of the book, I was like, «Yo, I gotta look into this a little bit more: failure to thrive.» As I read the screenshot, I understood why he sent this to me. I want you to catch this; if it’s cool, I just want to read a portion of it for you because it was really revolutionary and eye-opening for me.

This whole idea of failure to thrive, and this is what the writer says: «Psychologists have begun to speak on what is perhaps the largest mental health problem of our day. Check this out, guys: it’s not depression or anxiety, at least not at clinical levels—it’s languishing, a failure to thrive.» Now, let me tell you why this jumped out at me. Years ago—long, long ago—I came across this research project that some therapists and life coaches conducted in an attempt to find one word that described the dominant disposition or the dominant headspace and heart space of the people in their focus group. Their hope was that the people in the focus group were a representation of Americans. They did this research project to figure out what one word could describe the emotional or mental condition of most people. This is what’s interesting: the word «languishing» was the word they used. So now you’ve got another author who has done his own research and is utilizing the same word to describe the dominant disposition of people.

Now check this out: as a spiritual leader and coach, I can concur that most people I serve, either in the spiritual space or the entrepreneurial space, would not use the word «Thrive» to describe the majority of their lives. They probably wouldn’t use the word «languishing» either. When I came across the word «languishing» during the first research study I mentioned, I was actually finishing up my doctoral work; I think it was the last class before I went exclusively into writing. I didn’t even know what the term «languishing» meant.

So, I want you to listen to this: here it is—languishing is the condition of someone who may be able to function but has lost a sense of hope and meaning. Yo, I’m going to read this one more time: languishing is the condition of someone who may be able to function but has lost a sense of hope and meaning. Listen to this: languishing is not the presence of a mental illness. Now, the author isn’t dismissing mental illness; he is not saying that mental illness doesn’t cause languishing. He is saying there is a type of languishing that is not a result of mental illness. You may wonder where it comes from. I’m getting ready to talk to you about that in just a second. So he says languishing is not the presence of mental illness; it is the absence of mental and emotional vitality.

You know what vitality is? It’s life, energy, zest, zeal, and enthusiasm. He’s saying this isn’t about the presence of something; it’s about the absence of something. He states it is a weariness of the soul that causes an inability to delight in life. It is inner deadness; it’s the opposite of thriving. It’s the opposite of flourishing. It is Henry David Thoreau’s greatest fear when he says, «When I came to die, my greatest fear is that I would discover I had not lived.» Guys, listen to this; this is important because I want you to know that languishing is normal, but it doesn’t have to be your normal. Yo, I live by this principle called the principle of exception, and here’s the principle: what happens with them doesn’t dictate or determine what happens with me.

See, some people who misunderstand it will say, «Yo, Darris, that’s arrogant.» That’s not arrogance; that’s not a declaration of superiority. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone; that’s a declaration of distinction. I’m saying I’m different from others. It means you can’t allow what I am to determine my future based on others' pasts. It means I won’t let you look at people like me and then…