Dharius Daniels - If Your Friends Don't Do This They're Bad Friends

Listen to me. How far you go and how much you grow is not just determined by who you are or what you have; it’s equally impacted by who you are with. Relationships matter because relationship management isn’t just about managing relationships; it’s about managing life. You can’t get life right if you’re getting relationships wrong. But this doesn’t happen accidentally; it requires intentionality, developing interpersonal skills, and cultivating relational intelligence. This means defining and aligning your relationships. I want to talk to you about defining and aligning one of the most important relationships you will ever have, and that is your friendships. In this video, I’m going to give you another framework for your friendships.

Thank you for listening to me. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 27:6, and this is what it says: «Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.» It’s wounds from a friend that can be trusted. Why would a friend wound me? That doesn’t make sense to me; it’s a little confusing. I mean, I think if a person is a friend, they wouldn’t wound me. However, I think what the writer is saying here is something very important: sometimes, friendship requires us to do things that don’t feel good, but they work out for the good of those we love. I’m going to say it again: sometimes, friendship requires us to do things that may not feel good to someone else, but it works out for their good. Wounds from a friend can be trusted; it means that a friend is a person who loves your future more than your feelings. They are intense; they should never intentionally try to hurt your feelings, but they are willing to risk hurting your feelings for a moment so that they can protect and preserve you for a lifetime.

One of the ways this often happens is through something very simply called truth-telling. You know, I’m walking you through this biblical framework for friendships. We throw the word «friend» around loosely in our current culture. You can press a button and follow people on their social media profiles, and they’re called friends. The reason you have to get this right is that you can’t get life right if you’re getting this wrong. We are encouraged and instructed in the scriptures not to cast our pearls before swine. This means we need to make assessments before we make investments, and we must properly discern whom we should invest in and what we should expect from that relationship. We’re given a framework from the creator of relationships on how to do this. One of the things I talked about in a previous video is that, all right, if they are a friend, they must have unshakable character. I talked about in another video that if they’re a friend, they need to have unconditional love. In this one, I want you to know that if they are a friend, they must have unbridled honesty.

Here’s a principle: when you know the truth, the truth sets you free. What does that mean, Darius? The truth sets you free; the telling of the truth disarms the power of a lie. If truth sets me free, it means that which is not true keeps me bound. Friendships are the context where you actually have the most opportunity for truth-telling. I’m going to say it again: friendships are the context where you have the most opportunities for truth-telling. Friends hear things that other people wouldn’t necessarily hear, see things in you that others wouldn’t see, and get exposed to aspects of who you are that others may not get exposed to.

So what does that mean, family? How does that impact us? It means that if you get the privilege and opportunity to see things that others don’t see, hear things that others don’t hear, and observe sides of people that others don’t see, you have the opportunity to speak into those areas in a way that no one else can. Think about that. I want you to check this out now because I think this is important: many people don’t tell the truth because they think the truth might destroy their relationship. What I’m saying to you is this: truth never destroys a relationship; it exposes it. If it can’t handle the truth, it wasn’t a strong relationship. If you get upset with me for telling you something that can help you, then that doesn’t destroy our relationship; it tells me our relationship is not what I thought it was.

See, one of the things is that truth-telling isn’t just about protecting. Truth-telling is important because, when I say intimacy, I don’t mean romanticism; I mean closeness. There cannot be intimacy without you being able to see into me. If you’re going to be able to see into me, then there are some things I need to be willing to say to you: «Hey, I don’t like this; this affects me adversely. This hurts my feelings. I feel disrespected. I feel unappreciated. I feel like you put me in a compromising position.» I need to be able to articulate those things so that we can overcome them. Because if I don’t communicate those things and suppress them, eventually, they are going to compound. What started off as simply a bump under the rug becomes something that we trip over throughout our time and tenure together.