Dharius Daniels - Should Ladies Make the First Move?

People ask if it is okay for a man, or should I say, for a woman to approach a man. Now I’m going to tell you what I think about this because there are people who fall into two camps and two extremes. You probably want to know which one is right. I’m going to say both. Should a woman approach a man? Here’s my answer: it depends on whether or not she wants to. Here’s the underlying question, though: is it inappropriate? Is it inappropriate biblically? I’m not talking about whether or not it’s inappropriate culturally because there’s a lot we could say, but I’m not going to get into that. So we are not going to let cultural norms determine what we do and don’t do. The question underneath the question is that for a lot of people, they feel like it is biblically inappropriate for a woman to approach a man, and it is okay for them to have that opinion; I just think they’re wrong. Does that mean a woman has to approach a man? No woman has to approach a man. If a woman’s preference is that she wants to be pursued, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Here’s where I think that view becomes problematic: when you take your perspective and make it a prescription for everyone else. Your perspective should inform your own life, not dictate everyone else’s lives. If the Bible doesn’t prescribe it, that’s one thing; but if the Bible clearly prescribes it, I’m getting ready to show you that I think that’s not the case. Here’s one of the things people often throw at me from time to time: Proverbs 18:22. It says, «He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.» Right? That’s the verse they throw out. So, when they mention that, they say, «Hey, no, no, no, it says he who finds.» I’m like, «Alright, here’s the first thing I want to say.»

Anyone who watches this, I want you to catch this: Anyone who declares that «he who finds» means that the man is the only one who can ever do the looking is literally using grammar as a basis for biblical interpretation, and that’s scary. We wouldn’t apply that logic anywhere else in biblical interpretation. Right? When I talk about grammar, I’m not referencing word usage; I’m not talking about the interpretation of a word. You’re literally saying, «Well, it says he who finds.» Alright, let’s say that’s the case. I would take that a little step further: it says he who finds a wife, not simply he who finds a woman. This means that the person shouldn’t just be a woman; it means they are a wife in the eyes of the man who marries them. When the man finds them, it means they already possess wifely qualities.

Thus, when I say wifely qualities, I don’t mean just potential; of course, a person will have to do some growing, but potential is not always realized. If you don’t have a word from God and you marry potential, you’re rolling the dice because potential does not always become a reality. That’s a fact. Listen to me; hear me out. It’s dangerous to literally take the word «find» and make it mean something it doesn’t. «He who finds» means pursue; «seeking» means pursue. But «find» means to find; you find things when you’re not even looking. I wasn’t looking for a wife when I found mine; I was at a division in college.

So, the point I’m making is if a person decides, «I’m going to be pursued; I’m not going to be the one doing the pursuing, ” there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I respect that; it can be your conviction. It’s just dangerous when you take that stance and make it a prescription for everyone else, trying to use scriptures like this to support it because it doesn’t align. I think we play a little cat and mouse with these interpretations; we can be cherry-picking and ignore the evidence clearly stated in Scripture that debunks certain interpretations.

For example, Proverbs 18:22 talks about finding, asserting that it means pursuing. That is clearly a matter of interpretation, as the Bible doesn’t explicitly say that. However, I have an example in the Bible that explicitly reveals a woman who positioned herself to be found, and her name is Ruth. We often discuss this story with Ruth and Boaz. Watch what happens here in Ruth 3:1: „One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to…“