Toure Roberts - Losses and Lessons

Today, we’re going to talk about a part of the book that really resonated with you, and it resonates deeply with me. I think it will resonate with our listeners and those who are watching right now. In that section of the book, I discuss losses and lessons, and I become very vulnerable in that chapter about the fact that I knew how to win, but I didn’t know how to lose. I talk about my decade of multiple wins, including book deals, the growth of our organization, and selling a show to a major network. All these things took place: meeting and marrying the love of my life, experiencing explosive growth in many key and vital areas. And then all that changed in one year. I started experiencing some losses, and they challenged me. If I hadn’t stepped in and changed my perspective, those losses would have defined me. That part of the book resonated with you because you’ve been through some things too, haven’t you?

Yeah, I think I’m in a much better space now to talk about it. The biggest loss I can currently think of is the loss of my marriage. It was something I thought would be a forever thing, but then it wasn’t. It happened so quickly, and it was devastating because of how fast the relationship went and ended. I think it crippled me a bit because I wasn’t sure how to process something so public. I can’t hide that; I tried to because I didn’t tell anyone. That was really hard to go through by myself.

Why didn’t you tell anyone? Were you ashamed?

For sure, I was embarrassed and shamed. I was still in shock, and I was a little delusional, not believing it was truly over. I didn’t want to present a negative image to the world or my family if reconciliation were possible. So, I was still holding on because it felt like a fairy tale. Going into it, as a spiritual person, I thought, «Hey, this is God. I heard Him say let’s do this.» Wow, this is Him; I heard the Lord. So that’s a whole other level of disappointment. It’s one thing to do something out of your own volition or wisdom; it’s another to believe that God told you to do something and then feel let down. That’s really devastating.

Yes, it is. I want to understand; I want to go on this journey with you.

For sure, and I think that’s an important part to highlight because my relationship with God is very important to me. I thought I heard clearly, or rather, I should say I thought I heard. In what I was experiencing at the time, it was very clear that this was what I should be doing, who I should be doing it with, and how we should be doing it. So when it ended, I started doubting myself—doubting my relationship with God and even doubting God a bit—thinking, «What’s going on here?»

Ashley, I have to stop you. This is so good. What do you do when you’re a spiritual person with a relationship with God? You pray about things, and you get answers based on your relationship, and then it doesn’t turn out the way you thought. Not only is it devastating, but it can also harm your relationship with God. How do you bounce back from that? Now you’re questioning everything: yourself, if you even hear God’s voice, whether this was you, if God is even real. How can God say yes and then later say no?

I want to speak into that a little because I’ve been there before. One of those losses I mentioned was an acquisition that I truly felt was a blessing from God—something too good to be true. It was a significant investment that didn’t work out, which can mess up your spiritual life and theology. Here’s the thing: God can say yes and then later say no about the same thing. A perfect example is when God told Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. He said yes to the sacrifice and then later, when Abraham was preparing to do it, He said no. We need to understand that God is not any less God if He appears to change His mind. I believe God is omniscient.