Dharius Daniels - 3 Toxic Traits You Need to Watch Out for

Some toxic traits have triggers, and here’s a trait that has a trigger: it is insecure competitiveness. Now, watch this. It’s what I call a hybrid trait. I argue that it’s not toxic until it becomes hybrid because you can be insecure, and that’s imperfect, but it doesn’t mean toxic. Competitiveness isn’t always bad at all; it depends on the extreme. Competitiveness in and of itself isn’t even bad. Comparison can be damaging, but when there’s insecure competitiveness, and that’s in your team, in your bed, or in your life, then that becomes toxic.

Here it is: insecure competitiveness is when a person’s competitive drive is significantly fueled by their unaddressed insecurities. They have a deep-seated sense of inadequacy or insecurity combined with an intense desire to outperform or dominate others, not purely for the sake of achievement, but as a means to validate their self-worth. It’s like when you have this insecure competitiveness; you end up competing with the wrong people. Why are you competing with me? We’re supposed to be winning together; we’re on the same team. All of us are getting ready to eat. Why are you upset that I’m eating? Insecure competitiveness produces what I call emotional erraticism. Wow, it’s erratic. One day you love me, and the next, I’ve got problems. It’s like you’re so hot and cold, I don’t know what to do. One day you’re blowing me up, and the next, you won’t return my calls. What’s the problem?

Here it is; the text says this: verse 10. Are y’all ready for this? The next day, an evil spirit from God came forcibly upon Saul. It doesn’t mean God sent him; He’s holy. It means God allowed it because whenever you refuse direction, you forfeit protection. Every parent knows that. Does that make sense? When you tell a child, «Hey, don’t do this, ” they may think you’re trying to control their life. You’re too busy; you have a life, I have a life, everybody has a life, right? But let’s say if you’re a parent, and you’re telling a child, „Don’t jump on a glass coffee table, ” to a child it can feel like you’re trying to restrict their freedom. Ultimately, you’re trying to preserve their protection because if I tell you not to jump on a glass table, it’s because I know it may not break on the first jump or the second jump, but if you keep jumping, the table is going to break. And when your feet need stitches, you’re going to have way less freedom.

I’m not trying to restrict their freedom; I’m trying to preserve their freedom. When God says, „Yo, just follow my direction, ” it’s His way of saying, „You’re going to keep jumping on that table, and you’re going to say I cut you”—the table didn’t. I knew inherent in the table was the capacity to harm you, so I gave you instruction, not because I was going to punish you. The table does. So, an evil spirit came upon him. He’s prophesying while David’s playing the lyre, as he usually did. He has a spear in his hand, and then he throws the spear. So how can you be prophesying and doing something spiritual and then throwing a spear at me, doing something shady? You’re erratic. But what happens is sometimes, because they’re prophesying, excuse the spear.

Alright, I’m over time. Here it is. Number three: here’s something else I’m going to show you. It’s a third trait. So, number one: manipulation. That’s not imperfect; that’s toxic. So when you’re talking about a friendship, a business partnership, or a romantic relationship, if you keep playing with the fire of manipulative people, get ready to be burned. And please don’t blame God because you’re hurt at Change Church.

Number two: when you see the red flag of insecure competitiveness, I mean, I can’t even testify without you testifying. You know God really blessed me this week. „You? Me too! Bless me!“ „Wait, can I finish my sentence? Can I have this moment, please? I will even give you a moment; just give me mine.“ You can ignore that red flag, but if you keep playing with that fire, you’re going to get burned.

And then the final one is exploitative opportunism. Saul found out his daughter liked David, and this man says, „Give me the scripture, God.“ Saul says, „I’m going to give my daughter to David so that she might be a snare to him.“ So, you’re going to exploit your own daughter for an opportunity? You should take advantage of opportunities when God gives them to you, shouldn’t you? But you shouldn’t exploit people to get one. If you see people throwing others under the bus for an opportunity and you think there’s something so great about your character and your anointing that it’s never going to happen to you, you are naive. Their activity is predicated on their character, not yours. There’s no amount of good you can be to an opportunist that changes them.