Dharius Daniels - You Might Like Him Later

I’m back with the fourth thing I would tell my daughter. Let’s go. Well, listen, hey, here is the fourth thing I would tell my daughter if I had one. It is very simple; it can be summarized in this one statement: «You might like him later.» Now, what do I mean by that? There are seasons in a person’s life when things they find attractive in one season may seem unattractive in another. There are traits and attributes that they may find unattractive in one season but find attractive in another. And I’m going to tell you something: I want the sisters to listen to me right here. Now, this is just my observation; it’s anecdotal, of course. No one can speak specifically to everyone. What I’m about to say is a generalization, but it is a generalization informed by my experience as a person who has spent two decades serving people. So, I have a fairly large sample size informing what I’m about to share, and that is this: I found that, specifically with sisters, certain traits that they may have found corny in one season actually give them comfort in another season. I’m just telling you—I’m just saying what I’m saying. Some traits that may have been seen as corny in one season actually provide comfort in another. «Darius, what are you saying?» I’m just saying what I would tell my daughter, and I would tell her, «Hey, listen, you might like him later.» You see, being responsible isn’t necessarily attractive in high school; it might not seem responsible or attractive when you’re 24. But being responsible is attractive when you’re 42. And what I am—I’m just saying what I’m saying.

Now, let me tell you what I’m not saying. I am not saying you should ignore what you find attractive. I think part of what you find attractive reflects your uniqueness as an individual. Two women can look at the same person, and one finds him attractive while the other does not. This is what I’ve seen: diversity in the kinds of things that women find attractive. There are some women for whom the physical is incredibly important—appearance, height, skin complexion—whereas I’ve seen others for whom those things are less important. For them, it’s the personality: Can the person make me laugh? Do they make me smile? Do they make me feel safe? I’ve seen diversity in all sorts of attractions, and I’m not trying to judge anyone’s preferences. I’m not saying certain types of attractions are more moral or have higher levels of virtue than another; that’s not what I’m saying at all. All I’m saying is this: I’ve seen it so many times. The things that women find corny in one season become the things they seek out in later seasons of life.

Now, let me go back to what I was about to say. The guy in high school or college who is responsible, going to class, getting his books, managing his money—isn’t the guy that a lot of people, a lot of sisters, find attractive. They weren’t knocking down his door or giggling about him; it was the outgoing and gregarious guy who wasn’t necessarily handling his business but was a good time. Sisters would lock that brother down and then expect him to become a hybrid of his former self—gregarious and outgoing—coupled with the responsibility found in another guy. Now, listen, I’m not saying that the two can’t exist in one person. My question is: how often do you find that? You’re probably thinking I’m saying to settle, but I’m not saying that at all. I would never tell my daughter to settle. What I would say is you have the right to be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to. Part of what you find attractive indicates your uniqueness and how you’ve been wired. So don’t feel bad about that; don’t try to dismiss it. But I need you to ask yourself: «What is driving that attraction?» That’s all I’m saying.

So if my daughter says, «Dad, I like him a little…» I’d say, «Okay, hey, cool, go for that.» Are there exceptions where you might find someone who is responsible, moral, and leads well? Yes, you might. But you also have to consider what comes with that, because it might not be straightforward. So many times I’ve seen this happen, and I’d tell my daughter, «Listen, you have a right to be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to, but let’s look at what’s driving that attraction.»