Dharius Daniels - Men Confuse Love and Lust

This is what I would say as a father to my daughter: I would say, «Baby, there are times when men confuse love with lust. There are times when men are deceptive and manipulative, and they will say things that they feel in order to get what they want physically from you. That is a real thing. However, there are also times when men genuinely believe there is an emotional connection, and the things they are saying are what they think they feel. But what they don’t know is that what they are feeling isn’t always love; sometimes, it’s curiosity. Curiosity about what an experience with you would be like or what you look like. In many cases, when that curiosity is satisfied, the man may change his behavior. I’m sure it can go either way because I know some people comment that it is the same for women, but I’m speaking from a father’s perspective.

So, there are instances when people are manipulative, saying things to get what they want physically, and times when they are genuinely confused. They thought they felt one thing until they got what they wanted physically, and when the curiosity faded, the emotion was no longer there. Thus, it wasn’t real love; it was actually lust. J. J. has real questions. What would you say to men to help them identify whether they are dealing with love or lust?

Right, some people may have differing opinions on this. I believe that if you need to have a physical experience to determine whether it’s love or lust, some emotional intelligence needs to be developed. You shouldn’t have to go around raising your body count to figure out if you love someone. I think there is a significant difference between physical attraction, physical interest, and emotional connection. When you are dealing with love, as I understand it, what you fall in love with is the soul. You might be attracted to the body, but if you want a long-term relationship, the body is going to change. If a woman has children, her body will change.

If you fall in love with just the body, that’s problematic. You can determine whether this is love or lust by asking yourself if you are more interested in the body or if you feel a connection with this person’s soul. Attraction matters, but it is not the most important factor. It shouldn’t take intimacy for you to figure that out because real love is a connection of the soul—a tying of the soul, not just a union of the body.

Hypothetically, if your daughter came to you and told you what she was dealing with, you would naturally lead her to the Bible, right? Yes, but how do you emotionally guide her through that type of trauma? That’s a great question, and you would hope that—and this is just parenting 101—I’m going to use God as an example. He’s a perfect father, yet we still do imperfect things. So, if He is a perfect father who always does everything right and we do imperfect things as His children, then, of course, as imperfect parents, our children will sometimes do imperfect things, too.

You would want that not to happen. I would want her to understand that if he loves her enough to wait, then he truly loves her. Nobody waits that long just to get some. If he is willing to wait, that’s a sign of love. If she went through an experience like that and came to me, I would hope I wouldn’t say, „I told you so,“ as that’s not like my personality. One of the things I would want her to do is this: „Okay, now we need to look at this mistake. How we view it will determine the impact it has on us. You can define yourself by this mistake, or it can be a defining moment for you. You need to sit with this feeling and remember what it feels like—feel all the shame, feeling used, feeling embarrassed, experiencing a range of emotions—and then make a decision that this is a feeling you never want to experience again.

That’s the difference between letting it define you and it being a defining moment. If a person truly loves your soul, they will understand.“ I’m just sharing what I would tell my daughter because I believe no man should just wait around without a genuine intention.