Dharius Daniels - Give Yourself Permission to Pursue Another Path

But you’re liberating people right now to be faithful to who they actually are. I am telling you, when I say that this is a struggle for people, I mean it. I’m in the people business; that’s what I do. It truly is a struggle for many, and I get it. There are individuals who are married and feel they cannot be their authentic selves within the context of their own marriage. What you’re doing is giving people permission and courage by telling your story. I think it’s so, so important. It’s amazing to hear you say that.

There’s something that stood out, and I want us to explore it a little more. You just mentioned it, and I love how you brought it up with no guilt and no hesitation. You stated that you didn’t want it, and I really think it’s important to be okay with saying that. This is what I believe: not in all cases, but in some, God’s will is revealed in our wants. This life isn’t just about God giving us what we want; sometimes He gives us what to want. He places desires in our hearts.

You mentioned that you weren’t quite clear on what everything would look like, but you were clear that you weren’t wired to follow the normal trajectory, to get in line and walk in lockstep with the way things are done socially, culturally, or even religiously. I would really like to explore that a little bit. Is your freedom to just say, «Yeah, I don’t want to do this, ” a personality trait or is it a skill? Because some people are listening and saying they want to get there, but they don’t know how. How did you get there?

For me, I was honest with myself from the inception phase. I probably would have gotten there quicker. I liked the idea of being called a doctor; I liked the prestige of being important, like a doctor. I just didn’t like blood, so I wondered how this was going to happen. Then I thought, „Oh, I want to be an OB-GYN.“ No, I just liked babies; I liked humans and the simplicity and innocence of children. That doesn’t mean I have to bring them into the world with my bare hands while their mucous membranes are all over the place.

I didn’t know, though. As a kid, I definitely bucked against expectations. I’m the youngest of four and the only girl, and my mom is pretty traditional, as Nigerians go. I knew early on that I didn’t even like the way traditional things were being done. For example, my brothers were out playing soccer and football, while my mom was saying, „Come in the kitchen and help me cook.“ I thought, „So do they not eat? I’m confused right now.“ I totally was not what she expected as a daughter.

To escape doing the norm, I realized that if I told my mother I had to study for a test, that was the only way I could get out of cooking. So, I always had a test, saying, „Mommy, I can’t help you cook because I have to study.“ She would say, „Alright, that’s cool.“ It was either learn to cook or miss out on playing, but I wasn’t going to forfeit hanging out because I had to cook. So, I figured I’d just learn later, even though it would have been nice to have learned that as an adult.

You know, someone is listening to this right now, and I’m telling you, they’re feeling liberated. This is serious. We’re not talking about whether or not you want to learn how to cook; that’s up to you. But they are getting liberated because, consciously or unconsciously, you gave yourself permission to pursue a different path. Whether you knew it or not, there’s a degree of emotional intelligence that says, „Hey, I’m okay with whatever comes with pursuing this path.“

You mentioned your mom loves you; you’re amazing, etc., but you recognized, „Okay, yeah, I was probably a little different than what she expected in a daughter.“ Yet, you didn’t feel the pressure—whether it was self-imposed or not—nor did you conform. I’ll say this: the reason I love God more than I hate or am disappointed with my parents is strong. It isn’t that I don’t love them; I just loved Him more.

It’s tough to see them crying over my decisions, but at the same time, I think, „Yeah, these tears are temporary, because if what God told me to do is what He wants for me, He’s obligated to make it happen.“ So, when it happens—not if, but when—it will dry those tears up. Well then, Mom and Dad, I can’t come home.