Dharius Daniels - We've Got Work to Do

I want to talk on this subject during our time together as a family: «We’ve got work to do.» We’ve got work to do. Family, several years ago, at a men’s gathering, I conducted an informal poll to gauge the words men would use to describe their sentiments and sensibilities regarding their relationships. I knew I would receive an array of emotions, but I was seeking one word that stood out head and shoulders above the rest—a word that encapsulated how the majority of the men felt in their relationships. As you can imagine, there was a plethora of responses, but one sentiment consistently stood out, undeniably and unequivocally, head and shoulders above the rest: in that room, most men felt unappreciated.

Now, please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying; I am not claiming that they explicitly declared they were unappreciated. I am saying they felt unappreciated. They sensed a lack of adequate expression and intentionality when it came to verbally or visibly articulating the value of their contributions to the relationship. As I began to reflect on that experience, I concluded that it is not just men who share that sentiment; anyone can be in a relationship where they feel loved and perhaps needed, but that doesn’t mean they feel valued. That’s powerful, and there is little that is more frustrating, demotivating, and discouraging than witnessing someone who cannot see you. Just because we are seeing each other doesn’t mean we truly see each other. Did you hear what I just said? Just because we are seeing each other doesn’t mean we see each other.

I recognize that getting this right is crucial to shifting any relationship. This is why, in this series «Relation Shifts,» we have been arguing that every relationship must undergo shifts. If a relationship does not go through shifts, one day you may find that although you once had a great relationship, it has now deteriorated. Things change, and we change, but the relationship may not. Yes, preacher, and I don’t know about you, but if you are going to commit to something meaningful, you don’t want it to be characterized by misery. If this is going to be long-term, it has to be more than long; it needs to be strong. Come on now!

This is why these shifts are important. If your standard for relationships is simply a cultural standard, then you will be okay with relationships that are merely not bad. However, if your standard for relationships is a kingdom standard, you will not be satisfied with relationships that are just okay. God did not send Jesus to die on the cross just for us to have a life that is not bad. He didn’t send the Holy Spirit simply for us to live a life that is not bad. He did not give us all these abilities, acumen, and opportunities for us to settle for a life that is just not bad. Settling may be a standard for culture, but it is not a standard for the kingdom. You cannot settle in the kingdom; if you do, you won’t be happy because God has placed something within you that has an appetite for more. You can suppress it and ignore it, but you cannot evict it. The truth is, there is something within you that is allergic to average. You may be tolerating it, but you are still allergic to it, and you should not apologize for it. Did you hear what I just said? I am not apologizing for what makes me itch. If you are okay with it, then I will let you be okay with it, but my Bible tells me God wants to do exceedingly, abundantly, and above all I can ask or think. I don’t want an average mind; I don’t want an average job; I don’t want average resources; and I don’t want an average relationship shift. I want to shift!

I want to shift because when I do it the King’s way—not just culture’s way—when I shift to doing it the King’s way, it produces a kind of relationship characterized by three realities. First of all, it produces a relationship that is fruitful. Somebody say fruitful! This means you are able to produce together what could not be produced apart. Gosh, did you hear what I said? Be fruitful and multiply doesn’t just apply to conception; it applies to creation. It means that through our collaboration, we can create something that exists in the world that would not exist if we didn’t come together. This is why the devil doesn’t mind you finding a person, but he wants to keep you from your person. Because when you find your person, and you come together, you start producing things in the world that cannot be produced any other way. I’m a little old school, so some of you may find this outdated, but a few of you will catch it: I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together. I’m good all by myself, but you make me better. Is there anybody in the room today who says, «I want somebody who makes me better»? And when we get together, we make each other better, producing things that make the world better. Fruitfulness means there is collaboration as a result of our partnership; there are things that are produced.