Dharius Daniels - Is God Calling You to Be Single? (4 Signs to Tell)

So listen, there is a lot of conversation surrounding the subject of singleness, specifically for followers of Jesus. A lot of this conversation, I think, has increased as statistics show that people are making decisions not to get married in ways that differ from previous generations. Statistically, what we’re seeing is that people are taking longer to decide to get married, meaning they are marrying later in life. There are individuals within the context of the Christian faith who are passionate about marriage and want to be married, while others are indifferent and some may even oppose it. No matter what category people find themselves in, there is a question that many wrestle with: Is God calling me to be single, and how do I know?

In this video, I want to walk you through some questions to ask yourself to discern the answer because one of the ways we practice discernment is by asking questions. When I say discernment, I’m not referring to the spiritual gift of discerning of spirits; that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean the God-given ability to recognize the true nature of a thing and to govern yourself accordingly. I’m not referring to paranoia that arises from pain or cynicism stemming from scars. I’m talking about the ability to assess a situation based on principles in Scripture or promptings from the Spirit. That’s it!

Some people operate with paranoia rooted in past pain and call that discernment; it’s just paranoid. Then there are some who operate with cynicism from their suffering and label it as spiritual sensitivity. It’s not—you’re just kind of cynical. You’ve suffered, and we get it, but it’s made you see life with a glass half empty instead of half full. Discernment isn’t cynicism or paranoia; it is the God-given ability to recognize the true nature of a thing and to govern yourself accordingly. That recognition comes through the pages of Scripture, which becomes a filter for some of the decisions you’re trying to make and for promptings from the Spirit.

So how do I know? How do I discern if God is calling me to be single? Here are a few questions I would encourage someone to think through. One: Do you sense that God has clearly spoken that to you? That’s where we start. It’s not where we end; it’s where we begin. Sometimes the answer to that question for some people is an emphatic yes. Then I would say, okay, your next step is to ask God to give you the grace, which is not just unmerited favor; it’s unearned ability. Acts states that the Lord added to His church daily, and great grace was upon them all. In 2 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul says that God spoke to him, saying, «My grace, unearned ability, is sufficient for you.» Like spiritual gifts, one word for spiritual gifts, «charisma,» is grace gifts—God-given gifts and abilities that we didn’t earn.

So, you need to ask for the grace a person would need to deal with the inconveniences of singleness, because remember, marriage is not a right; singleness is not a curse. I want you to think about that. In fact, the Apostle Paul was single, and so was Jesus. The Apostle Paul wrote over two-thirds of the New Testament, and he told his disciples that if they are called to this, and if they’re able to live a single life, there’s an impact they can make or a degree of contribution that’s different from someone who is married and has to split their attention. Paul walks through that.

So, has God clearly told you that? If the answer is emphatic yes, then that’s where we start, and you obey that until God tells you differently. But let’s say the answer to that is not an emphatic yes. Let’s say the answer is, «I don’t know» or «I haven’t heard anything.» Then we need to move to the next question, which I believe is, «Has God told me that?» Secondly, do I want that? Now, I am not saying that everything we want is God’s will, but I am saying that, biblically speaking, God does work through our wants. Does He work through all of our wants? No. Does He work through some of our wants? Yes, because there are some desires we have that He instilled in us. Philippians 2 says it is God who works in us to will and to do His good pleasure. So God gives you and me some desires regarding the things He wants for us. I want you to think about that.

I can take you to biblical narratives that support this idea. For example, I can take you to stories in the Old Testament, like Hannah, who wanted a child. She just wanted a child, and she could not shake this relentless, incessant desire to give birth. She made God a promise: «If you give me…»