Dharius Daniels - Relationship Advice I wish EVERYONE Knew

I want you to know that some people leave even though they never truly depart. It is true that some people will never leave, but a part of them is gone. They stay because it’s easier. The cherishing was revealed in his willingness to work for her; he was striving to win her over. Practically, we should be working to keep them emotionally. When you neglect to work on the emotional aspect, you may assume that because you have them, you keep them. I want you to know that some people leave even though they never truly depart. It is true that some people will never leave, but a part of them is gone, and they stay because it’s easier. It’s not about having them in the home; it’s about having their heart still. To play this out, it’s to cherish. This is just like practically. There are a few things I want to share with you. Are you ready for the points? Alright, let’s do this.

Number one: Practically, what does this look like? It looks like curiosity. It means there’s a willingness—if you cherish me, there’s a commitment to consistently explore where I am, a constant desire to know me. Watch this: because curiosity brings clarity, and you need clarity to see those unique qualities. Come on, am I making sense? Clarity addresses the enemy of relational familiarity. This is what happens: you can have something that is rare for so long that the rare becomes common. That’s why some people treat their lifestyles casually. You don’t realize that the majority of the world does not live like you. What is common to you is, in reality, a rarity. Sometimes you have to look at who you’re with and objectively ask yourself, «How many more of them did God make?» I’m not talking about a man who can write a check or a woman who has a pretty body; I’m talking about the unique qualities. How many more of them did God make? How many more of them can you trust to stay if you lose it all? If you’re sick, will they help you to the bathroom? See, some people only choose individuals that are suitable for just a season, while when you’re choosing for a lifetime, you have to trust them in every season. Just because someone values you doesn’t mean they value the right things. That’s so important. Are you valuing something that can change? I don’t know if you have time to deal with this, but I was going to take you to Mark 6 and show you how even with Jesus, familiarity blocks what is present in the other person for you. A prophet is not without honor except in his own home. He did not perform many miracles there, except for a few sick individuals. A few people received what was available for many because they were so familiar with this carpenter’s son. They thought, «I grew up with him, I know little Jesus,» and there was something in him that they never pulled out because they wouldn’t honor it. There’s something in the person you’re with that you may never pull out if you don’t honor it, cherish it. They’re being questioned everywhere else, some of them are being second-guessed everywhere else, while when I come home, I want to feel seen.

Number two: consideration. Hey, don’t worship me; consider me. I’m not asking you to put me in God’s place, just put me in my place. Don’t put me in God’s place, but don’t put me anywhere I don’t belong. Considering me means that you think about the implications of your actions or your inactions. If I ask you for something and you refuse to keep providing it to me, are you considering what life is like for me without that? If I say, «When you do that, it impacts me this way,» are you considering me? Yeah, don’t worship me, don’t put me in God’s place, but after God, I should be in my rightful place.

Number three: chasing. You are chasing their heart in constant pursuit of it. It’s what Jimmy Evans calls the law of pursuit. Leaving and cleaving—cleaving is pursuit; it’s glue. I’m going to chase your heart forever because if you do that, you get a version of them that blesses you. Come on, husbands! Ephesians 5 states that if you let God use you to help make your wife better, to sanctify her, it’s analogous to Christ and the church. He presents to himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle. You benefit from the version of the woman you’re with in Jesus. So, if you help her become that version, you will benefit from that. Don’t do all that work unless someone else gets the upgraded version while you’ve put in all the effort. The devil is a liar. Period.

Number four: commitment. We underestimate the power of consistency in a relationship. Are you committed to being consistent? My security is based on your predictability. If you’re hot one day and cold the next, I won’t feel secure. It’s not even safe for me to feel secure. Are you committed to consistency because you adhere to certain principles? Jesus! I don’t know what I’m going to get at work, I don’t know what I’m going to get at the gym, but I need to know what I’m going to get when I come home. This is the one place I don’t want to have to wonder. And God is glorified through relationships like that.