Dharius Daniels - You MUST Be Spiritually Compatible

I created a series of videos a while ago entitled «Four Things I Would Tell My Daughters.» Although I don’t have daughters, I shared four things I would tell them if I did, which primarily focused on relationships. However, I received requests and feedback from people who wanted to know what four things I would tell my sons, since I have them. I want to share the first one in this video. Let’s go!

All right, let’s get right into it. Number one: Plan no games. I’m going straight for the gusto here; I don’t want to delay this at all. Here’s the first thing I’m telling my sons about relationships: marry someone with whom you are spiritually compatible, but you don’t have to be spiritual to stay with. Now, listen to me. I am speaking as a father, unfiltered and unbridled; this is real talk. It’s not me attempting to be politically correct. It’s me, of course, considering my value system and saying, «Hey, marry someone with whom you are spiritually compatible, but you don’t have to be spiritual to maintain that.»

Now, what do I mean by that? When I talk about spiritual compatibility, as a person of faith and a follower of Jesus, I mean something very specific. When I say that, I don’t mean simply marrying someone who tolerates your spirituality. That’s not what I’m saying. Different people have different perspectives on this, and I am not sharing with you or anyone else what they shouldn’t do; I’m simply sharing what I advise my sons to do.

So, when I talk about spiritual compatibility, I mean something very specific. I’m not just referring to someone who tolerates your views or your faith; I’m not even simply talking about someone who shares your faith. I think that is where you start, at least for my sons, but that’s not where you end. Just because someone claims to be a Christian or just because someone is a Christian does not mean you’re spiritually compatible.

Now, here’s the thing, guys. Let’s discuss compatibility quickly. I’m going to circle back to this because, from time to time, I get pushback on the idea of compatibility. Some say there’s no such thing as compatibility because whoever you’re with, you will have to make it work, etc. I think I understand what they’re saying, but I believe they’re wrong. When I say that they’re wrong, I mean it in a specific way. I think that view is incorrect because the Bible says something different about that.

The Apostle Paul, in the book of Corinthians, discusses the whole idea of being unequally yoked. He uses an agricultural analogy that we see in the Old Testament and applies it to relationships. In the Old Testament, it says not to yoke an ox and a donkey together. An unequal yoke means that if you have this yoke, which is an apparatus where two animals go, and it goes around their necks to help them pull a plow in your field, the wisdom from the Old Testament advises that if you put that apparatus around the neck of an ox on one side and a donkey on the other, you won’t prosper in your plowing.

Why is that? What will happen? The nature of an ox is more compliant, docile, cooperative, and predictable, while the nature of a donkey is unpredictable and uncooperative at times. The admonition against plowing with a donkey and an ox exists because when the master says «come, ” the ox will likely respond since it is compliant, but the donkey may not, which ultimately hinders the ox’s progress. I want you to grasp this.

So, Paul uses that analogy and applies it to relationships. I think he is primarily discussing platonic relationships; there’s nothing in the text that indicates he is talking about romantic relationships. However, if the idea of being unequally yoked applies to platonic relationships, why would it not apply to romantic ones? It just makes logical sense, right? Paul is very clear.

What can happen is, if I am an ox, a submitted son or daughter of God, a follower of Jesus who sees Him as a leader in my life—not just a forgiver of my sins—but I’m yoked with a donkey, a person who does not respond to the master’s voice but instead responds to their mood, appetite, or feelings, then, just like the ox and donkey trying to plow the field, a person will deal with that same tension while navigating the field of life. When the master speaks, and when God speaks…