Dharius Daniels - Your Man is Searching for Himself

When you’re trying to function while you’re malnourished in some areas, you’re going to malfunction. I want you all to hear me; I am telling you that some of the ills, the issues, the problems, the challenges, the hang-ups, the foolishness, and the self-destructive behavior we are seeing in men are not the problem; they’re hunger pains. Some of the issues that we observe in the lives of men are symptoms of men who are malnourished in certain areas because hunger impacts your ability to function optimally. Hunger is a craving for something that meets a God-given need. It doesn’t mean that what you’re craving is godly. Did you hear what I just said? It doesn’t mean that what you’re craving is godly; it means that what you’re craving is an ill—sometimes an illegitimate attempt to meet a legitimate need. If there is a word that you would say, «Pastor Darius, in two decades of serving people—specifically men—not just through the vehicle of ministry but also recently through the vehicle of the marketplace, during your time of pastoring, mentoring, discipling, coaching, and having conversations with men,» what is a word that you would use to describe the dominant emotional disposition of most of the men you encounter? The word is hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. And not all men are hungry because they’re malfunctioning; some men are hungry because they’re malnourished. It’s getting a little tight already. Some of us are hungry because our needs are treated like preferences. Some of us are hungry; did you hear what I just said? Some of us are hungry because we have somehow come up with an unbiblical ideology of masculinity that says my strength is revealed in my ability to go without what God created me to need. Somehow, being a man means being happy while being miserable. I should have done this one online, Marcus, thank you. Being a man, somehow masculinity has been conflated with misery. Now, I’m not talking about man-made needs; I’m not talking about lasciviousness, excessiveness, or craziness. I’m not talking about something that is a preference that a man is calling a need; I’m talking about God-given needs. Yes, I’m getting ready to mention 10 of them that you need. When you’re trying to function while you’re malnourished in some area, you’re going to malfunction. I want y’all to hear me; I am telling you that some of the ills, the issues, the problems, the challenges, the hang-ups, the foolishness, and the self-destructive behavior we are seeing in men are not the problem; they’re hunger pains. Some of the issues we are seeing in the lives of men are symptoms of men who are malnourished in certain areas because hunger impacts your ability to function optimally. You know how you are when you’re hungry; you know you’re not your best attitudinally when you’re hungry. You’re not the most patient person; you’re at the restaurant thinking, «Where’s the food? Why are they taking so long with my food?» Because we don’t function optimally when we’re hungry. Think about this: hunger impacts a number of things. One of the things hunger impacts is focus. It’s hard to focus when you’re hungry. In early ministry, we used to go to all these conferences and stuff where we were learning about leadership, church strategy, and all this. We’d have sessions all day, and I would be sitting there, and that person could be as anointed as Jesus, but after a certain amount of time, I’m hungry. It’s like, «You’ve got a word, but you need to hurry up.» I was looking for one of those old church mothers who had some butterscotch in her purse. It’s like, «I need that; thank you, I’m hungry.» I remember growing up in church where we had long services. I’m talking about long services—Jesus long—growing up. I used to want to be a preacher because I looked up and saw I grew up in a church where they had throne chairs, and the preacher sat in the highest chair. They had church nurses who had no medical training; they would come and bring the preacher Gatorade, orange juice, and water. I was sitting as a little boy thinking, «I want to be a preacher.» It’s hard to focus when you’re hungry. If you see an unfocused man and the only thing you attempt to do is fix the focus, you are addressing the fruits but not the roots of the problem. You don’t fix some man’s focus simply by fixing his focus because sometimes the inability to focus is evidence that he’s a hungry man. He is unclear on his assignment, so he’s hungry for validation; he’s hungry for affirmation, so he’s jumping from career to career to career. You’re an engineer; now you’re a rapper. Now you’re not talking to me; now you go from a rapper to a producer. Now you go from a producer to—what do you want to do with your life? We say things like, «He’s unclear; he’s inconsistent; he doesn’t know what he wants out of life.» He’s hungry, and he’s looking for something that makes him feel like something. I’ll say that one more time; he’s looking for something that makes him feel like something. So he will pursue things he’s not even called to because it fills a void that’s not being ministered to. He’s not searching for a career; he’s searching for himself. He’s unsatisfied; no promotion is ever enough. I’ve never seen a chronically unclear person in certain seasons.