Dharius Daniels - Is Their Love Tied to Conditions?

What’s up? I’m going to say this again. I’m going to keep saying it until I can’t say it anymore, and that is how far you go and how much you grow. It’s not just determined by who you are and what you have; it’s equally impacted by who you are with. So, one of the most important and consequential life skills any of us can develop is interpersonal skills. I call it relational intelligence because relationship management isn’t just about managing relationships; it’s about managing life. One of the most important relationships we need to manage is the friendship relationship, and in this video, I’m going to give you a framework for friendship. This is what I believe: your greatest joy and your greatest pain in life will often come from the same source—what’s that? Relationships. There is no area of your life and my life that is not directly or indirectly impacted by relationships. Therefore, it’s essential for us to improve our relationship management skills, and this is what I want us to grasp: improvement requires intentionality. Can I say that again? Improvement requires intentionality. People don’t accidentally get better; improvement, advancement, and evolution require intentionality. People don’t accidentally succeed. You know, one of the greatest athletes I think in my lifetime is LeBron James, and he didn’t accidentally become the athlete with the longevity that he’s had. It required intentionality. I’m telling you, to raise our relational intelligence, it requires intentionality. This is why I believe getting better at defining and aligning our relationships is vital for you to become all you’ve been called to be and to do all that you’ve been called to do. One of your most important relationships is friendships, and I’m telling you right now, friendships are actually the foundation for almost every relationship. I won’t dive too deep into this, but even Jesus called his apprentices friends. He reached a point in their relationship where he said, «Hey, from this point on, I no longer call you servants; I call you friends.» He wasn’t saying he wasn’t in authority over them, but he was conveying that the service they render to him should now come out of their love for him, not just their submission to him. I’ll go so far as to say that friendship is the foundation upon which every healthy relationship rests, especially as you start taking it to the next level—engagement and marriage. You’ve got marriage vows that only friends can keep. I don’t care how pretty she is or how fine he is; they do not look good enough for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Only friends can keep those vows, so friendship is incredibly important. However, we live in a culture where those words are thrown around loosely and flippantly. I discuss this in my book, «Relational Intelligence.» I believe that the Bible, because God is the inventor of relationships, gives us a framework for friendships. In one of the videos here, if you haven’t seen it, I talk about the first trait we should be looking for to build our framework of friendship around. A friend possesses a trait called unshakable character. Today, I want to give you another one. It’s not just unshakable character—I want you to see this, not just hear it; it’s unconditional love. Darris, where did you get this? I got it from the Creator and inventor of relationships. Proverbs 17:17 says, «A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.» Now here’s what’s important: many people confuse someone’s affection for you and fondness of you with their love for you. Those are two different things. So when I talk about love here, I’m referring to a love that has its roots in this word, agape. This isn’t like Eros, which is lust; it isn’t Phileo, which suggests brotherly love; it’s not family love. This is agape—it’s a decision. This isn’t just a feeling; this is function. This isn’t just affection; it’s activity—it’s an unconquerable benevolence. This love says, «I have a commitment to do what is always in your best interest, regardless of how I feel about you.» See, when people do not have this, they have a lower level of love; it’s that fickle kind of love, right? They are only good to you as long as they feel good about you. But this is a commitment to say, «Regardless of how I feel about you, I will always do what I believe is in your best interest because I have an unconquerable benevolence.» This is what I’ve learned; I’ve seen it in many lives, including my own. Many people confuse others' love for what you bring to them and do for them with their love for you. I’m going to say that again: many times, people confuse others' love for what you do for them and what you bring to them with their love for you. So, what do I mean by that? Let’s unpack it a bit. I’ll frame it this way: some people really don’t love you the way you think they do; they love your «yes.» They love when you’re giving them a «yes,» and of course, they have fond feelings and affection for you because of all of the…