Dharius Daniels - How to Make Friendships You WON'T Regret

Hey, here’s something I have learned: the course and quality of your life is not just determined by who you are, what you have, and what you can do. The course and quality of your life are equally impacted by who you are with; relationships matter. But here’s something else that I believe I’ve learned. In addition to that truth, when it comes to relationships, even though all people are equally valuable in the eyes of God, not all people add equal value to you. So if you’re going to experience the accomplishment of your destiny, you need to discern who is and who isn’t meant to go with you. In this video, I will give you some tools and tips on discerning who should be in your circle in certain seasons. A while ago, I wrote a book called «Relational Intelligence,» which discusses the people skills you need for the life of purpose you want. Let me tell you why I wrote this book: I wrote it because of pain. What do I mean by that? Pain in two areas—pain number one that I experienced in my personal life, and pain I observed in my professional life. Whether it is ministry through the church or marketplace ministry, my assignment and area of emphasis have always been people. As a church leader, I am a shepherd, guiding people; in the marketplace, I am a coach, speaker, and trainer, focusing on coaching, speaking, and leadership. It’s all about people. Here’s what I realize: regardless of whether this is personal or professional, people’s greatest joy and greatest pain often stem from the same source—relationships. There is no area of a person’s life that is not impacted by them. A person’s spiritual health is impacted by relationships; emotional health is impacted by relationships; financial health is impacted by relationships; professional opportunities are impacted by relationships. There is no area of our life that is not directly or indirectly affected by relationships. Therefore, when something like this is so consequential to our well-being, we cannot afford to be unintentional in how we manage them. I wrote the book because I began to see that there were very few resources available that provided principles and guidance on managing platonic relationships. Most of the teaching I heard, or many of the books I encountered, focused primarily on romantic relationships, especially marriage. While there were some resources on dating, when it came to managing all these other types of relationships, there just wasn’t much material out there. So I turned to the most reliable source of information for me, which is the Bible. For me, it is the most trustworthy source on the planet; I rely on it more than any other book, 100%. There are logical and theological reasons for that. Anyway, the point I’m making is that I started studying it and noticed that the Bible has a lot to say that we weren’t discussing regarding relationships. For example, Proverbs 13:20 says, «Walk with the wise and become wise; a companion of fools suffers harm.» I thought, whoa, that’s been in the Bible the whole time? If a companion of fools suffers harm, I don’t have to be a fool myself to suffer consequences; I only need to be a companion of one. I didn’t see that before! I also found verses like, «There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and a brother is born for adversity.» Wait a minute! So, God is saying that there are friends who can be more intimately acquainted with us than family? Some friends can embody what family should be. For example, I don’t have blood brothers, but I have friends who are like brothers. I didn’t realize this. I also discovered that «as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.» In 1 Corinthians 15:33, Paul warns, «Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good character.» I began seeing this wisdom in scripture and thought, wow, there’s insight and guidance God has provided! People aren’t just people; they are purpose partners, and I can’t reach my destiny without discerning who should be part of my life and what role they should have. I know this might make some people uncomfortable because it challenges our perceptions. However, let me say this: just because it makes us uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Our conscience can indeed be bothered.